Dear Tired and Weary,
I'm basically writing this to myself. I'm both tired and weary. I've had a very stressful and emotional week. Work has been exhausting and frustrating. Other things have happened that I've had a hard time dealing with. I'm both physically and emotionally drained. I've struggled against emotions like bitterness and jealousy. I've had my hopes dashed about something I've wanted for a long time. I've had to watch someone else have my dream come true for them. I'm tired of waiting for prayers to be answered. I'm tired of trying to be positive and hopeful about everything. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of seeing those closest to me hurting and in pain. I'm tired of following this path.
I don't know if any of you can relate to any of these statements but it's how I feel. At times like these, I find it really hard to be joyful and at peace. So I have to remind myself of God's promises and what the Bible says. I know when I am weak, He is strong. He is the one who is willing to take on all my burdens and carry me when I'm too tired to keep going. He gives me encouragement and a push when I need it. His grace is sufficient for me. He provides everything I need, even if it's not what I want.
Sometimes we just have to be our own cheerleaders and encourage ourselves when we're weary. We have to keep fighting the good fight and pressing on towards the prize. We have to focus on God's love and truth. We have to just let things go and let Him take care of everything. We have to stop trying to control everything. Life is hard and sometimes it sucks. But at least we know that this isn't all there is. One day we will have eternity in heaven with Jesus. One day we will no longer have to experience pain or sorrow. One day we will get rewarded in heaven for all we have done here on earth. I'm looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I know I still have a purpose here on earth. So do you. Let's stay focused on that truth.
I've included some verses that always come to mind when I'm feeling this way and one of my favorite quotes below.
Galations 6:9 NIV "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."
Isaiah 40:31 NIV "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
"The greatest challenge in receiving great things from God is holding on for the last half hour."
-L.B. Cowman
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
When I was a kid, Christmas was my favorite holiday. It wasn't my favorite just because I got gifts (although that was awesome). But there was something about the feel of Christmas and the holiday season. There was just something magical and hopeful about that time of year. I still feel the same way today. I love all the lights, decorations, and music. I love buying people gifts. I love watching Christmas movies and spending time with friends and family.
But this time of year can also be really difficult for people. I know some people don't have anyone to celebrate the holidays with whether because of distance or other circumstances. For others, this time of year brings up bad memories and painful emotions. Some have lost loved ones around this time and it's a constant reminder of their loss. Others are just lonely and wish they had someone special to share it with. Some people are dealing with illness, financial issues, divorce...the list goes on. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. I can only imagine what they must be going through.
We are all broken and struggling with something. Some of us have a lot on our plates, and I think most of us are stressed out in some way. We all have things we wish we could change in our lives. Mix all that together with a holiday that's all about joy and cheer and we get some unhappy Scrooges. I'm not discrediting anyone's emotions or problems, they're important. The thing is, Christmas is not all about us. It's about the birth of Jesus Christ. It's about the fact that God loved us all so much that He sent his Son for us.
I was at church the other night and the worship leader said something that really struck me. She asked us to think about a close friend and how we treat them on their birthday. She said we try to make everything great for them. We don't let other things get us down because we're so busy lavishing them with love and attention. We get them gifts and do things for them to show them how much we care. We give them time-isn't that what most of want? People to just give us some time to show they care about and love us? Then she said this is how we should treat Jesus. This is his birthday. We should be lavishing him with praise and thanksgiving. We should be showing other people love and stop focusing so much on ourselves. We should do that for Jesus. Of course, we should do this all year round. But wouldn't it be great if we all treated Christmas this year as if we're celebrating our best friend's birthday? I think we would all be filled with more joy, peace, and love. And that's my kind of Christmas.
Luke 2:10-11 NKJV "Then the angel said to them, do not be afraid for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "
But this time of year can also be really difficult for people. I know some people don't have anyone to celebrate the holidays with whether because of distance or other circumstances. For others, this time of year brings up bad memories and painful emotions. Some have lost loved ones around this time and it's a constant reminder of their loss. Others are just lonely and wish they had someone special to share it with. Some people are dealing with illness, financial issues, divorce...the list goes on. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. I can only imagine what they must be going through.
We are all broken and struggling with something. Some of us have a lot on our plates, and I think most of us are stressed out in some way. We all have things we wish we could change in our lives. Mix all that together with a holiday that's all about joy and cheer and we get some unhappy Scrooges. I'm not discrediting anyone's emotions or problems, they're important. The thing is, Christmas is not all about us. It's about the birth of Jesus Christ. It's about the fact that God loved us all so much that He sent his Son for us.
I was at church the other night and the worship leader said something that really struck me. She asked us to think about a close friend and how we treat them on their birthday. She said we try to make everything great for them. We don't let other things get us down because we're so busy lavishing them with love and attention. We get them gifts and do things for them to show them how much we care. We give them time-isn't that what most of want? People to just give us some time to show they care about and love us? Then she said this is how we should treat Jesus. This is his birthday. We should be lavishing him with praise and thanksgiving. We should be showing other people love and stop focusing so much on ourselves. We should do that for Jesus. Of course, we should do this all year round. But wouldn't it be great if we all treated Christmas this year as if we're celebrating our best friend's birthday? I think we would all be filled with more joy, peace, and love. And that's my kind of Christmas.
Luke 2:10-11 NKJV "Then the angel said to them, do not be afraid for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. "
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
What's My Age Again?
Dear Wondering If You'll Ever Feel Like an Adult,
Remember when you were a kid and couldn't wait to be a "grown-up"? I used to think that there would come a time in my life-whether through some momentous occasion (like having a kid) or a certain age (30), when I would finally feel like an adult. As I've grown older and talked to people that are older, I've realized something. Most of us never really feel like an adult. Parents with several kids still don't feel like they're old enough to have kids. Most of us have adult responsibilities but never really feel like we're actual adults.
I know I feel that way. When I think back on major events in my life that signify growing up (getting my driver's license, graduating from high school and then college, my first job), I remember I never really felt like I was old enough to do these things. I thought "how in the world am I already graduating high school?" or "There's no way I'm old enough to start my career." I think it's because a lot of times I still don't feel my age. I'm 26 and I recently purchased my own car for the first time. My one and only other car was one my parents bought me in high school and I had it for almost 10 years. And while I was buying it, I thought to myself "Wow, I kind of feel like a grown-up right now." (Notice the use of the word "grown-up" indicating I still don't see myself as an adult). I mean, I still love Disney movies and Disneyland (I will probably be the mom dragging her kids to these rather than the other way around). I still have crushes on celebrities. I go to concerts and think "I'll never be too old for this!" (I'll probably be the old lady at concerts). I still feel awkward sometimes in new social situations. I still break out (this is really unfair). I still just act like a big kid.
It's funny how this transfers over to how I think about people I knew when I was younger. In my mind, people stay the same age they were when I knew them. Whenever I hear about people from my high school who are married with kids I think about them as their 16 year old self and say "But, they're too young!" Or what's really mind-blowing is hearing about people I went to elementary school with having kids. I mean in my mind, they're not even old enough to drive yet! I remember going to my close friend's wedding several years ago. It was the first wedding I went to where it wasn't a family member getting married. It was my friend. We're too young to get married!
I think it's a good thing though that a lot of us still feel this way. It keeps us young and helps us hold onto a little bit of our childhood. We should never get too old to be silly or do the things we love just because we're supposedly adults now. I mean isn't it true that the more we age, the more we wish we could go back to being kids? So why not embrace that and maybe try to institute nap time at our jobs?
Remember when you were a kid and couldn't wait to be a "grown-up"? I used to think that there would come a time in my life-whether through some momentous occasion (like having a kid) or a certain age (30), when I would finally feel like an adult. As I've grown older and talked to people that are older, I've realized something. Most of us never really feel like an adult. Parents with several kids still don't feel like they're old enough to have kids. Most of us have adult responsibilities but never really feel like we're actual adults.
I know I feel that way. When I think back on major events in my life that signify growing up (getting my driver's license, graduating from high school and then college, my first job), I remember I never really felt like I was old enough to do these things. I thought "how in the world am I already graduating high school?" or "There's no way I'm old enough to start my career." I think it's because a lot of times I still don't feel my age. I'm 26 and I recently purchased my own car for the first time. My one and only other car was one my parents bought me in high school and I had it for almost 10 years. And while I was buying it, I thought to myself "Wow, I kind of feel like a grown-up right now." (Notice the use of the word "grown-up" indicating I still don't see myself as an adult). I mean, I still love Disney movies and Disneyland (I will probably be the mom dragging her kids to these rather than the other way around). I still have crushes on celebrities. I go to concerts and think "I'll never be too old for this!" (I'll probably be the old lady at concerts). I still feel awkward sometimes in new social situations. I still break out (this is really unfair). I still just act like a big kid.
It's funny how this transfers over to how I think about people I knew when I was younger. In my mind, people stay the same age they were when I knew them. Whenever I hear about people from my high school who are married with kids I think about them as their 16 year old self and say "But, they're too young!" Or what's really mind-blowing is hearing about people I went to elementary school with having kids. I mean in my mind, they're not even old enough to drive yet! I remember going to my close friend's wedding several years ago. It was the first wedding I went to where it wasn't a family member getting married. It was my friend. We're too young to get married!
I think it's a good thing though that a lot of us still feel this way. It keeps us young and helps us hold onto a little bit of our childhood. We should never get too old to be silly or do the things we love just because we're supposedly adults now. I mean isn't it true that the more we age, the more we wish we could go back to being kids? So why not embrace that and maybe try to institute nap time at our jobs?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Me Time
I feel like I've been a Debbie Downer about being single in all of my blog posts. I want to write honestly about what I feel and what the Lord teaches me through my struggle. But, I also want to talk about things that I really enjoy and appreciate so much more because I am single.
My family dog, a German Shepherd, is very independent and somewhat strange. Sometimes he'll go outside when the whole family is inside and just lay out there for a half hour or so by himself. My mom calls it his "me time." If someone comes outside during it, he'll give them an annoyed look (yes, dogs can look annoyed) and then get up and leave. For whatever reason, he enjoys the time by himself and seeks it out. I can relate.
Ever since I can remember, I've enjoyed time alone. Maybe it's because for the first 7 years of my life, I was an only child. I entertained myself and played a lot at home. My younger sister was too young to play with when she was a baby. And when she was finally old enough to play with me, I considered myself too "old" to play anymore. As I've grown older, I've realized it also has a lot to do with my personality. I'm more of an introvert and most introverts often seek out alone time. It "recharges" us.
In the past 6 or 7 years, I've also realized how much I like to do a lot of things by myself. They're my simple pleasures in life. Whenever I'm feeling anxious or troubled, I love going to the beach alone (especially early in the morning when there's only surfers out). I put on my iPod and just walk. I don't know what it is about it but it calms me and I feel instantly peaceful. I also really like shopping by myself. I enjoy going shopping with friends but when I'm really in the mood to just shop, I often go alone. I like being able to take as long or as little time as I want without feeling like I'm making someone wait. I can comb carefully through the sale section at Forever 21 or just glance around another store. I also like hanging out at bookstores and coffee shops and just reading by myself. Or just watching a movie or TV. Of course, there are things I prefer doing with other people. And definitely times where I want someone special to do things with. But I still find those other things enjoyable.
I'm glad that because I'm single, I have more time to do these things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that once I'm in a relationship I can't do these things. I would never date someone who didn't understand this about me or didn't want me to do things by myself. It's just that more of my free time will be spent with them. Even now, I have trouble balancing out my time sometimes to spend time with my close friends and family because work and church activities keep me busy. So that's why I know I won't have as much time. And I'm okay with that. But for now, I'm really enjoying all of my "me time." And If you interrupt it, I promise I won't be annoyed.
My family dog, a German Shepherd, is very independent and somewhat strange. Sometimes he'll go outside when the whole family is inside and just lay out there for a half hour or so by himself. My mom calls it his "me time." If someone comes outside during it, he'll give them an annoyed look (yes, dogs can look annoyed) and then get up and leave. For whatever reason, he enjoys the time by himself and seeks it out. I can relate.
Ever since I can remember, I've enjoyed time alone. Maybe it's because for the first 7 years of my life, I was an only child. I entertained myself and played a lot at home. My younger sister was too young to play with when she was a baby. And when she was finally old enough to play with me, I considered myself too "old" to play anymore. As I've grown older, I've realized it also has a lot to do with my personality. I'm more of an introvert and most introverts often seek out alone time. It "recharges" us.
In the past 6 or 7 years, I've also realized how much I like to do a lot of things by myself. They're my simple pleasures in life. Whenever I'm feeling anxious or troubled, I love going to the beach alone (especially early in the morning when there's only surfers out). I put on my iPod and just walk. I don't know what it is about it but it calms me and I feel instantly peaceful. I also really like shopping by myself. I enjoy going shopping with friends but when I'm really in the mood to just shop, I often go alone. I like being able to take as long or as little time as I want without feeling like I'm making someone wait. I can comb carefully through the sale section at Forever 21 or just glance around another store. I also like hanging out at bookstores and coffee shops and just reading by myself. Or just watching a movie or TV. Of course, there are things I prefer doing with other people. And definitely times where I want someone special to do things with. But I still find those other things enjoyable.
I'm glad that because I'm single, I have more time to do these things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that once I'm in a relationship I can't do these things. I would never date someone who didn't understand this about me or didn't want me to do things by myself. It's just that more of my free time will be spent with them. Even now, I have trouble balancing out my time sometimes to spend time with my close friends and family because work and church activities keep me busy. So that's why I know I won't have as much time. And I'm okay with that. But for now, I'm really enjoying all of my "me time." And If you interrupt it, I promise I won't be annoyed.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Being an Eeyore
Dear Mr./Miss Negativity,
Not many people like to be around someone that is constantly negative about everything. And yet, a lot of people, including Christians, are this way. I've heard this referred to in a couple of sermons as the "Eeyore Christian". Eeyore, as in the gloomy character from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore is always depressed about everything and always expects the worst things to happen. He (or she? I've heard some people say they think Eeyore is a girl because of the pink bow on her tail) can't even enjoy good things because he is constantly focused on the bad things. As Christians, we really shouldn't be this way. Yes, we have terrible, unfair, and difficult things happen to us. It's okay to be sad or mad about those things but we can't dwell on or live in that negativity. That is not the kind of life Jesus came to earth to give us. Even if there is nothing good in our lives we always have our salvation and that is a priceless gift.
I know how easy it is to be negative and pessimistic about things-about everything in fact. It's easier to think negatively about current circumstances, problems, and your life in general than to be positive about it. A year ago, it was very difficult for me to see anything positive about my life. My thoughts consisted of things like: "things will never change or get better" "everything sucks" "why does nothing good ever happen to me?" Of course, I was also depressed during this time which only amplified my negativity. I also let myself dwell on bitter, negative thoughts which took root and just continued to grow and consume me. None of which was healthy or helped my situation at all.
Then at the beginning of this year, I decided to make a change. I realized that a lot of the reason why I was so unhappy was because of my attitude and perspective on my life. So I made a list of things I wanted to work on about myself. I then prayed over my list and asked God to change me and give me the strength to work on them. One of the things on my list was to be more positive about everything. And guess what? God has definitely helped me become a much more positive person. I'm not saying it was an instant or easy thing. It did not happen overnight. I had to change my way of thinking which took consistent discipline and practice. I had to purposefully choose to be positive, it didn't happen automatically. In fact, it was very difficult at times and I'm still working on it. And there is no way I could have done any of that without the Lord.
********I want to add here that I know negativity can be caused by depression which is serious and may require you to get some professional help. I know I am not qualified to help with that. I just want to share what has helped me become more positive and see things from a different perspective. I also want to be clear that what I write below isn't just meant as a checklist to fix your problems. Or that this is all you need to do. God needs to work in you-that's the only way you'll really change.
There were several things I did and still do to help train my mind and thoughts to focus on being positive, rather than negative. I've included them as suggestions below.
1) Pray.
This is the most important thing. Ask the Lord to help change your heart, attitude, and thoughts. Ask Him to help guard your thoughts and to recognize the negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. Also, pray for others. Sometimes I like to list everyone I know or that I'm close to in my prayer journal and then write out specific prayers for each person. It helps take the focus off myself and reminds me that other people have things they're dealing with too. It also helps me be more grateful for what God has given me and brings me closer to Him.
2) Memorize Scripture.
The more you read and memorize the Bible-the more ingrained it gets in your mind. Memorize verses that encourage you and give you hope. Write them down on index cards and carry them around with you or put them up where you will see them every day.
3) Every day write down in a journal three things that you're grateful for. Then thank God for them.
Being intentional and consistently thinking of things you are grateful for helps you become so much more positive about your life.The things I wrote down were often a variety of big or small things like: my health or that I found a parking spot that day or that I had food in my stomach. Some days it would take me a longer time to think of things but I started to find myself noticing all the good in my life and all the blessings God constantly gives me. I now really enjoy and notice the little things that make me smile or feel joyful. Or the things I take for granted like having a bed to sleep in or a family that loves me. I've also done this specifically with being single. I wrote down one reason every day for a month about why I was grateful to be single. It also helps to go through and read what you've written again, especially when you feel like nothing in your life is good.
4) Serve/Volunteer
Taking the focus off yourself and focusing on others is a great way to become more positive. Taking the time to help others whether at church, through an organization, at work/school, or even just in your circle of family and friends, can be such a blessing. Seeing others and their needs and suffering will help put your own life into perspective. Even if it's something small and doesn't seem to make much of a difference, it matters. God has called us to love and serve others, and when we do so, we are fulfilling our purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Not many people like to be around someone that is constantly negative about everything. And yet, a lot of people, including Christians, are this way. I've heard this referred to in a couple of sermons as the "Eeyore Christian". Eeyore, as in the gloomy character from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore is always depressed about everything and always expects the worst things to happen. He (or she? I've heard some people say they think Eeyore is a girl because of the pink bow on her tail) can't even enjoy good things because he is constantly focused on the bad things. As Christians, we really shouldn't be this way. Yes, we have terrible, unfair, and difficult things happen to us. It's okay to be sad or mad about those things but we can't dwell on or live in that negativity. That is not the kind of life Jesus came to earth to give us. Even if there is nothing good in our lives we always have our salvation and that is a priceless gift.
I know how easy it is to be negative and pessimistic about things-about everything in fact. It's easier to think negatively about current circumstances, problems, and your life in general than to be positive about it. A year ago, it was very difficult for me to see anything positive about my life. My thoughts consisted of things like: "things will never change or get better" "everything sucks" "why does nothing good ever happen to me?" Of course, I was also depressed during this time which only amplified my negativity. I also let myself dwell on bitter, negative thoughts which took root and just continued to grow and consume me. None of which was healthy or helped my situation at all.
Then at the beginning of this year, I decided to make a change. I realized that a lot of the reason why I was so unhappy was because of my attitude and perspective on my life. So I made a list of things I wanted to work on about myself. I then prayed over my list and asked God to change me and give me the strength to work on them. One of the things on my list was to be more positive about everything. And guess what? God has definitely helped me become a much more positive person. I'm not saying it was an instant or easy thing. It did not happen overnight. I had to change my way of thinking which took consistent discipline and practice. I had to purposefully choose to be positive, it didn't happen automatically. In fact, it was very difficult at times and I'm still working on it. And there is no way I could have done any of that without the Lord.
********I want to add here that I know negativity can be caused by depression which is serious and may require you to get some professional help. I know I am not qualified to help with that. I just want to share what has helped me become more positive and see things from a different perspective. I also want to be clear that what I write below isn't just meant as a checklist to fix your problems. Or that this is all you need to do. God needs to work in you-that's the only way you'll really change.
There were several things I did and still do to help train my mind and thoughts to focus on being positive, rather than negative. I've included them as suggestions below.
1) Pray.
This is the most important thing. Ask the Lord to help change your heart, attitude, and thoughts. Ask Him to help guard your thoughts and to recognize the negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. Also, pray for others. Sometimes I like to list everyone I know or that I'm close to in my prayer journal and then write out specific prayers for each person. It helps take the focus off myself and reminds me that other people have things they're dealing with too. It also helps me be more grateful for what God has given me and brings me closer to Him.
2) Memorize Scripture.
The more you read and memorize the Bible-the more ingrained it gets in your mind. Memorize verses that encourage you and give you hope. Write them down on index cards and carry them around with you or put them up where you will see them every day.
3) Every day write down in a journal three things that you're grateful for. Then thank God for them.
Being intentional and consistently thinking of things you are grateful for helps you become so much more positive about your life.The things I wrote down were often a variety of big or small things like: my health or that I found a parking spot that day or that I had food in my stomach. Some days it would take me a longer time to think of things but I started to find myself noticing all the good in my life and all the blessings God constantly gives me. I now really enjoy and notice the little things that make me smile or feel joyful. Or the things I take for granted like having a bed to sleep in or a family that loves me. I've also done this specifically with being single. I wrote down one reason every day for a month about why I was grateful to be single. It also helps to go through and read what you've written again, especially when you feel like nothing in your life is good.
4) Serve/Volunteer
Taking the focus off yourself and focusing on others is a great way to become more positive. Taking the time to help others whether at church, through an organization, at work/school, or even just in your circle of family and friends, can be such a blessing. Seeing others and their needs and suffering will help put your own life into perspective. Even if it's something small and doesn't seem to make much of a difference, it matters. God has called us to love and serve others, and when we do so, we are fulfilling our purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
How's Your Love Life?
Dear Annoyed with People That Ask About Your Love Life,
I am constantly in situations where I deal with this. Whether it's with family I haven't seen in a while or old friends I run into, I am always being asked about my love life. And when you've been single as long as I have, this starts to wear on you. I don't mind when people I haven't seen in a really long time ask me about it because I know they don't know. I certainly don't mind if my close friends ask because that's rare and they know that I will bring it up and tell them. In fact, it's not really the asking that bothers me. It's the way many of them react when I tell them I'm single.
I know as a society we have come a long way from viewing women as solely being housewives and having their main purpose in life be to marry and have children. Nowadays, the idea of women being independent and having successful careers outside of the home is often the norm. Many women juggle their careers and being a mother at the same time. They are also getting married a lot later in life. But sometimes I feel like we haven't completely let go of the idea that if a woman is not married or a mother, then there is something wrong. I have felt this implied in conversations with others. I have recognized this in my own emotions and feelings about being single. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or I don't know if it's the right word, but ashamed to be single. "Are you dating anyone?" and "How's your love life?" have become dreaded questions of mine. It's why I often don't want to see people from high school because I feel like if I am still single, I am failing at life somehow (it also doesn't help that about 80% of my graduating class is married by now). I know usually people don't mean anything by it but it's how I feel.
I also can't stand the pity. Just because I'm single does not mean you need to pity me. I am not dying. I do not have some horrible disease. I am not an old maid. Yet, somehow I often end up feeling like one of these things is true when I tell someone I'm single. Case in point: I went to a friend from high school's wedding a couple of years ago. At the wedding, I ran into a couple I knew from high school. They had been high school sweethearts and had gotten married a few years before. I was talking to them when suddenly the girl asked me who I was there with. I just shrugged and said "No one." And she went "Awww!" and gave me this pitying look. It made me feel about three inches tall. I know she didn't mean to be rude or make me feel that way. But again, it's the implication that because I am alone at a wedding, I must be sad, or you should feel sorry for me. Believe me, I wallow in enough of my own self-pity, I don't want or need anymore.
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate relatives and friends that want me to be with someone. I do. I am so grateful to have people in my life that really care. I especially appreciate the empathetic ears of friends who understand this. I have a single close friend who has told me stories about how when she gets together with some of her family, the entire conversation often turns to why she isn't married yet and if she's dating anyone. She has ended up sitting there while many of her relatives discuss her love life (or lack thereof) and tell her to try online dating (which she has multiple times). On a side note: just a piece of advice to those who know someone who is single. Please don't suggest online dating to them. Trust me, most of the time they have either already tried it and not succeeded or will eventually decide on their own to try it. I know you're just trying to help but it often just comes out sounding like some cure-all band-aid to fix our problem of being single. I am not dissing online dating here. I know several couples who are now married because they met online. I know it works for people and am so glad it does! But again please, unless we specifically ask you what we should do, don't suggest it.
I know all of this may make me sound rude and irritated with people. I have definitely been convicted of this many times. I know I need to be more understanding and not sensitive when people say certain things. I know they don't mean to be rude or insensitive. It's something I've been working on and God has shown me that I need to continue to work on. I just need to focus on God and His purpose and plan for me. Not what other people think. If you're struggling with the same thing, just remember that you can't control how people act but you can control how you react. And God would want you to react with love and understanding. Not frustration or annoyance.
I have the verse below highlighted in my Bible. Years ago when I highlighted it, I wrote in the margin next to it "My goal." It's definitely one of my life goals and something I try to remember whenever I start to get annoyed with another question about my love life.
Ephesians 4:2 NIV "Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love."
I am constantly in situations where I deal with this. Whether it's with family I haven't seen in a while or old friends I run into, I am always being asked about my love life. And when you've been single as long as I have, this starts to wear on you. I don't mind when people I haven't seen in a really long time ask me about it because I know they don't know. I certainly don't mind if my close friends ask because that's rare and they know that I will bring it up and tell them. In fact, it's not really the asking that bothers me. It's the way many of them react when I tell them I'm single.
I know as a society we have come a long way from viewing women as solely being housewives and having their main purpose in life be to marry and have children. Nowadays, the idea of women being independent and having successful careers outside of the home is often the norm. Many women juggle their careers and being a mother at the same time. They are also getting married a lot later in life. But sometimes I feel like we haven't completely let go of the idea that if a woman is not married or a mother, then there is something wrong. I have felt this implied in conversations with others. I have recognized this in my own emotions and feelings about being single. Sometimes I feel embarrassed or I don't know if it's the right word, but ashamed to be single. "Are you dating anyone?" and "How's your love life?" have become dreaded questions of mine. It's why I often don't want to see people from high school because I feel like if I am still single, I am failing at life somehow (it also doesn't help that about 80% of my graduating class is married by now). I know usually people don't mean anything by it but it's how I feel.
I also can't stand the pity. Just because I'm single does not mean you need to pity me. I am not dying. I do not have some horrible disease. I am not an old maid. Yet, somehow I often end up feeling like one of these things is true when I tell someone I'm single. Case in point: I went to a friend from high school's wedding a couple of years ago. At the wedding, I ran into a couple I knew from high school. They had been high school sweethearts and had gotten married a few years before. I was talking to them when suddenly the girl asked me who I was there with. I just shrugged and said "No one." And she went "Awww!" and gave me this pitying look. It made me feel about three inches tall. I know she didn't mean to be rude or make me feel that way. But again, it's the implication that because I am alone at a wedding, I must be sad, or you should feel sorry for me. Believe me, I wallow in enough of my own self-pity, I don't want or need anymore.
Now, please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate relatives and friends that want me to be with someone. I do. I am so grateful to have people in my life that really care. I especially appreciate the empathetic ears of friends who understand this. I have a single close friend who has told me stories about how when she gets together with some of her family, the entire conversation often turns to why she isn't married yet and if she's dating anyone. She has ended up sitting there while many of her relatives discuss her love life (or lack thereof) and tell her to try online dating (which she has multiple times). On a side note: just a piece of advice to those who know someone who is single. Please don't suggest online dating to them. Trust me, most of the time they have either already tried it and not succeeded or will eventually decide on their own to try it. I know you're just trying to help but it often just comes out sounding like some cure-all band-aid to fix our problem of being single. I am not dissing online dating here. I know several couples who are now married because they met online. I know it works for people and am so glad it does! But again please, unless we specifically ask you what we should do, don't suggest it.
I know all of this may make me sound rude and irritated with people. I have definitely been convicted of this many times. I know I need to be more understanding and not sensitive when people say certain things. I know they don't mean to be rude or insensitive. It's something I've been working on and God has shown me that I need to continue to work on. I just need to focus on God and His purpose and plan for me. Not what other people think. If you're struggling with the same thing, just remember that you can't control how people act but you can control how you react. And God would want you to react with love and understanding. Not frustration or annoyance.
I have the verse below highlighted in my Bible. Years ago when I highlighted it, I wrote in the margin next to it "My goal." It's definitely one of my life goals and something I try to remember whenever I start to get annoyed with another question about my love life.
Ephesians 4:2 NIV "Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing with one another in love."
Thursday, September 8, 2011
All By Myself (Part Two)
Dear Lonely,
In my previous post, I talked mostly about all the emotions I struggle with when I'm feeling lonely. I wanted to focus on the emotions because I want to be completely honest about my struggle. Now, I want to offer some encouragement and truth to those that are also struggling with loneliness and those same emotions. Loneliness is still one of my biggest struggles and although I have grown in this area a lot throughout the years, I know I'm still a work in progress. But, I want to offer two major things I have learned:
1) Nothing, aside from the Lord, truly makes loneliness better. There are things that may seem to make it better or more bearable, but in the end they never satisfy. Even good things can't fulfill our deepest desires and needs. For example, friends are great and important to have as a support system but they can't become our only support. God should be first. Our interests and hobbies can also be great distractions but again they can't give us everything we need.
Then of course there's sin. I know sin seems so much more appealing when you're lonely. I know it's tempting to turn to things like alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. Or to just sleep around or to turn to pornography or whatever else to make the loneliness disappear. If you're deep in any sin right now, I want to say something to you. I am not condemning or judging anyone here-that is not my intention. But you are in bondage. (I'm talking to myself too here) I know doing whatever we want and sinning seems like we're free, but we're really not. We're in bondage to our flesh and our desires and we always end up feeling more empty in the end. God loves you and does not want to see you in bondage. He is not there to condemn you or make you feel guilty. He just wants to set you free from your sin. But you have to turn to Him.
2) You are not alone. I know it may feel like no one-including God- is around, but He always is. God sometimes withdraws the sense of His presence in our lives to help us grow in our faith. But it doesn't mean He has completely left us. He promised in the Bible to never leave or forsake us. And God can't lie. So you can rest in this: you are never alone. God reminded me of this earlier this year. It was right before my birthday and I was just feeling incredibly lonely and sad that I didn't have anyone special to spend it with. I was in my room and I had Pandora playing on my phone. I started praying and then started crying because I was just so upset about still being single and getting older. Then this song came on: "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. It's a Christian song and Christian songs rarely come up on my Pandora station because I just normally don't have it set to any. But it came on and I didn't pay attention at first to it because I was crying. But then suddenly I heard the lyrics: "Why are you crying?" And I just stopped and listened. The lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear. I know that God used them to speak to me and to let me know He was still there. By the end of the song, I was crying and laughing at the same time because I knew that He had used it to get my attention. It still makes me cry sometimes when I hear it. Go here to listen to it. I hope it encourages you and brings you comfort.
Psalm 9:10 NIV "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."
In my previous post, I talked mostly about all the emotions I struggle with when I'm feeling lonely. I wanted to focus on the emotions because I want to be completely honest about my struggle. Now, I want to offer some encouragement and truth to those that are also struggling with loneliness and those same emotions. Loneliness is still one of my biggest struggles and although I have grown in this area a lot throughout the years, I know I'm still a work in progress. But, I want to offer two major things I have learned:
1) Nothing, aside from the Lord, truly makes loneliness better. There are things that may seem to make it better or more bearable, but in the end they never satisfy. Even good things can't fulfill our deepest desires and needs. For example, friends are great and important to have as a support system but they can't become our only support. God should be first. Our interests and hobbies can also be great distractions but again they can't give us everything we need.
Then of course there's sin. I know sin seems so much more appealing when you're lonely. I know it's tempting to turn to things like alcohol or drugs to numb the pain. Or to just sleep around or to turn to pornography or whatever else to make the loneliness disappear. If you're deep in any sin right now, I want to say something to you. I am not condemning or judging anyone here-that is not my intention. But you are in bondage. (I'm talking to myself too here) I know doing whatever we want and sinning seems like we're free, but we're really not. We're in bondage to our flesh and our desires and we always end up feeling more empty in the end. God loves you and does not want to see you in bondage. He is not there to condemn you or make you feel guilty. He just wants to set you free from your sin. But you have to turn to Him.
2) You are not alone. I know it may feel like no one-including God- is around, but He always is. God sometimes withdraws the sense of His presence in our lives to help us grow in our faith. But it doesn't mean He has completely left us. He promised in the Bible to never leave or forsake us. And God can't lie. So you can rest in this: you are never alone. God reminded me of this earlier this year. It was right before my birthday and I was just feeling incredibly lonely and sad that I didn't have anyone special to spend it with. I was in my room and I had Pandora playing on my phone. I started praying and then started crying because I was just so upset about still being single and getting older. Then this song came on: "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North. It's a Christian song and Christian songs rarely come up on my Pandora station because I just normally don't have it set to any. But it came on and I didn't pay attention at first to it because I was crying. But then suddenly I heard the lyrics: "Why are you crying?" And I just stopped and listened. The lyrics were exactly what I needed to hear. I know that God used them to speak to me and to let me know He was still there. By the end of the song, I was crying and laughing at the same time because I knew that He had used it to get my attention. It still makes me cry sometimes when I hear it. Go here to listen to it. I hope it encourages you and brings you comfort.
Psalm 9:10 NIV "Those who know your name will trust in you, for you Lord have never forsaken those who seek you."
All By Myself (Part One)
Dear Lonely,
Everyone experiences loneliness. Not always in the sense of being single. Some may not have a support system of family and friends around them-whether temporarily or for a long time. Others may feel like they have lots of friends but no one they can really turn to or talk to. And others are lonely within relationships like marriages. I've never experienced that kind of loneliness but I can only imagine how awful that must be. I've experienced all kinds of loneliness in varying degrees but the one I relate to the most is being single when you don't want to be.
I go through many different emotions when I'm lonely. In fact, loneliness makes me a little crazy. Sometimes I wallow in self-pity and think "I'm going to be alone forever!" Other times I just cry and beg God to take away the pain and the desire to have someone. Then there are times where I literally feel like I can't stand being alone for one more second. That's when I get angry and frustrated. That's when I drown myself in distractions (and chocolate) and avoid God-except to yell at Him for not giving me what I want.
It's the worst when I see couples walking around flaunting their happiness (even though they're not trying to). A perfect example of this is the movie 500 Days of Summer. There's a part in the movie where Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character has just been dumped. He sees a couple holding hands while walking down the street and yells, "Get a room!" I laughed so hard when I first saw that part because I have thought the exact same thing so many times.
I know that these emotions and feelings can be funny at times but I also know how painful and difficult they can be. That is the reason why it affects me so deeply whenever I see someone else struggling with loneliness. In my small group at church, there is a woman in her 50's. She's been married and divorced twice. She is single now. A few weeks ago, she broke down and started talking about how lonely she was. She talked about how she just wanted someone to be there, to hold her, and to talk to. She said, "I know I have Jesus but it's not the same thing because it's not right there in front of me." My heart broke for her because I knew exactly how she felt. I can't even begin to describe what it's like sometimes. There have been times where I've been curled up in a ball, sobbing, because I could almost physically feel the pain of wanting someone.
I know that some people may not understand this-why I feel this way about being single. Some may even think it's silly and insignificant because others struggle with worse things. I know that people have much bigger problems and are dealing with horrific things. I remind myself constantly of that. But that still shouldn't discredit the pain that myself and so many others feel about this. I know God doesn't. I know He cares about anything that causes us pain or distress. And I know He's there even when we feel utterly alone.
Psalm 34:17-18 NIV "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Everyone experiences loneliness. Not always in the sense of being single. Some may not have a support system of family and friends around them-whether temporarily or for a long time. Others may feel like they have lots of friends but no one they can really turn to or talk to. And others are lonely within relationships like marriages. I've never experienced that kind of loneliness but I can only imagine how awful that must be. I've experienced all kinds of loneliness in varying degrees but the one I relate to the most is being single when you don't want to be.
I go through many different emotions when I'm lonely. In fact, loneliness makes me a little crazy. Sometimes I wallow in self-pity and think "I'm going to be alone forever!" Other times I just cry and beg God to take away the pain and the desire to have someone. Then there are times where I literally feel like I can't stand being alone for one more second. That's when I get angry and frustrated. That's when I drown myself in distractions (and chocolate) and avoid God-except to yell at Him for not giving me what I want.
It's the worst when I see couples walking around flaunting their happiness (even though they're not trying to). A perfect example of this is the movie 500 Days of Summer. There's a part in the movie where Joseph Gordon-Levitt's character has just been dumped. He sees a couple holding hands while walking down the street and yells, "Get a room!" I laughed so hard when I first saw that part because I have thought the exact same thing so many times.
I know that these emotions and feelings can be funny at times but I also know how painful and difficult they can be. That is the reason why it affects me so deeply whenever I see someone else struggling with loneliness. In my small group at church, there is a woman in her 50's. She's been married and divorced twice. She is single now. A few weeks ago, she broke down and started talking about how lonely she was. She talked about how she just wanted someone to be there, to hold her, and to talk to. She said, "I know I have Jesus but it's not the same thing because it's not right there in front of me." My heart broke for her because I knew exactly how she felt. I can't even begin to describe what it's like sometimes. There have been times where I've been curled up in a ball, sobbing, because I could almost physically feel the pain of wanting someone.
I know that some people may not understand this-why I feel this way about being single. Some may even think it's silly and insignificant because others struggle with worse things. I know that people have much bigger problems and are dealing with horrific things. I remind myself constantly of that. But that still shouldn't discredit the pain that myself and so many others feel about this. I know God doesn't. I know He cares about anything that causes us pain or distress. And I know He's there even when we feel utterly alone.
Psalm 34:17-18 NIV "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Songs About My Life
I recently read a post on a site called HelloGiggles that inspired this post. If you haven't checked out hellogiggles.com, you really need to! It's a site filled with fun and cute blogs/posts and things like items of the day. The writers and posts all make me laugh. And one of its founders is Zooey Deschanel. Anyways, in one of the posts I read, one of the writers talked about songs that seemed to be written about her. You know, those songs where the second you hear them, you think "This song is so about me!" They talk about exactly what you're going through or how you feel etc. I decided to come up with my own list of ten songs that I feel could have been written about me either now or some point in my life. I've included some lyrics from each song that stand out to me or mean the most.
"Where Are You Now?" by Michelle Branch
Michelle Branch was one of my favorite singers all throughout high school. It's sad that she hasn't really done solo stuff recently. Her songs are easy to relate to and I love so many of her lyrics. But "Where Are You Now?" could seriously have been written by me, for me, and about me. It's one of the few songs where I can say literally every word is how I feel about finding someone and waiting for the right person to come along.
"Where are you now?
I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all
What is the chance of finding you out there?
Or do I have to wait forever?"
"Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar
This song came out at the exact point in my life where I was totally lost and had no idea what to do. It was basically a quarter life crisis. I had graduated college, had no job, and no idea what to do with my life. I was constantly praying for God to show me what to do and where to go.
"Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for"
"Kiss Off" by Violent Femmes
I like to call this my angry anthem. Whenever I'm really upset or hurt about something I sing along to this song at the top of my lungs. It's fun to sing it too when I'm not upset.
"I take one, one, one 'cause you left me
Two, two, two for my family
And three, three, three for my heartache"
"I'm Not That Girl" from the musical Wicked
Wicked is one of my favorite musicals and the first time I heard this song, I related to it so much. I know what it's like to be that girl that isn't chosen by the guy she likes. I know how hurtful it is sometimes to hope that you are that girl. This song is just so raw and real, I love it.
"Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in"
"Stop and Stare" by One Republic
This song applies to so much of my life. There have been many times where I've been frustrated about where I was in life. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not going anywhere or moving forward and just watching everyone else move on. The lyrics explain this so much better than I can.
"Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need"
"Snuff" by Slipknot
I'm not really a big Slipknot fan (no offense to anyone who is). But I'm a huge fan of this song. The first time I heard it I was so impressed. I love emotional, angst-filled music and this is exactly what this song is. It's about love and the pain of a boyfriend/girlfriend leaving. I don't relate it specifically to that so not every lyric applies. I relate it to how I felt when someone close to me betrayed me. But, I think the overall tone of the song can relate to any pain or loss. Listen to it.
"So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same"
"Stop This Train" by John Mayer
This song is about getting older and life changes. The lyrics talk about how he just wants to stop and stay young. I so understand that. The older I get, the more I realize how hard life can be. I'm also not a big fan of change and wish that sometimes I could just freeze time and make things stay the way they are.
"See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'till you cry when you're driving home in the dark"
"Dig" by Incubus
Incubus has been around for quite a while and I love their music. This song is about our weaknesses and how certain things just "dig" at us. The lyrics talk about how they want someone to pull them up when their weakness gets the best of them. I want all my loved ones to do this.
"If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me"
"Somebody to Love" by Queen
This song is pretty self explanatory. It's exactly how I feel, especially when I'm really lonely. The Glee cast version of it is also really good.
"I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord-somebody somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
"Nobody's Listening" by Linkin Park
I knew I wanted to include a Linkin Park song on this list and I had a hard time choosing just one. Linkin Park is amazing. Not only is their musicality good, but their lyrics are genius! Seriously, I can't think of many other artists/bands that consistently write such real and easy to relate to music. Even if you're not a fan of their type of music, just listen to the words. They talk about pain, insecurity, doubt, anger, fear etc. Things that we all experience. I like their recent singles but their older stuff is what I love the most. Songs like "Crawling" and "Somewhere I Belong" could easily also be on this list. But I chose this one because the lyrics below encompass perfectly what I have felt so many times. Anyways, I could go on and on about them so I'll stop now.
"I got
A heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat, and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear"
"Where Are You Now?" by Michelle Branch
Michelle Branch was one of my favorite singers all throughout high school. It's sad that she hasn't really done solo stuff recently. Her songs are easy to relate to and I love so many of her lyrics. But "Where Are You Now?" could seriously have been written by me, for me, and about me. It's one of the few songs where I can say literally every word is how I feel about finding someone and waiting for the right person to come along.
"Where are you now?
I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all
What is the chance of finding you out there?
Or do I have to wait forever?"
"Show Me What I'm Looking For" by Carolina Liar
This song came out at the exact point in my life where I was totally lost and had no idea what to do. It was basically a quarter life crisis. I had graduated college, had no job, and no idea what to do with my life. I was constantly praying for God to show me what to do and where to go.
"Save me, I'm lost
Oh Lord I've been waiting for you
I'll pay any cost
Save me from being confused
Show me what I'm looking for"
"Kiss Off" by Violent Femmes
I like to call this my angry anthem. Whenever I'm really upset or hurt about something I sing along to this song at the top of my lungs. It's fun to sing it too when I'm not upset.
"I take one, one, one 'cause you left me
Two, two, two for my family
And three, three, three for my heartache"
"I'm Not That Girl" from the musical Wicked
Wicked is one of my favorite musicals and the first time I heard this song, I related to it so much. I know what it's like to be that girl that isn't chosen by the guy she likes. I know how hurtful it is sometimes to hope that you are that girl. This song is just so raw and real, I love it.
"Every so often we long to steal
To the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in"
"Stop and Stare" by One Republic
This song applies to so much of my life. There have been many times where I've been frustrated about where I was in life. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not going anywhere or moving forward and just watching everyone else move on. The lyrics explain this so much better than I can.
"Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need"
"Snuff" by Slipknot
I'm not really a big Slipknot fan (no offense to anyone who is). But I'm a huge fan of this song. The first time I heard it I was so impressed. I love emotional, angst-filled music and this is exactly what this song is. It's about love and the pain of a boyfriend/girlfriend leaving. I don't relate it specifically to that so not every lyric applies. I relate it to how I felt when someone close to me betrayed me. But, I think the overall tone of the song can relate to any pain or loss. Listen to it.
"So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I won't listen to your shame
You ran away, you're all the same"
"Stop This Train" by John Mayer
This song is about getting older and life changes. The lyrics talk about how he just wants to stop and stay young. I so understand that. The older I get, the more I realize how hard life can be. I'm also not a big fan of change and wish that sometimes I could just freeze time and make things stay the way they are.
"See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'till you cry when you're driving home in the dark"
"Dig" by Incubus
Incubus has been around for quite a while and I love their music. This song is about our weaknesses and how certain things just "dig" at us. The lyrics talk about how they want someone to pull them up when their weakness gets the best of them. I want all my loved ones to do this.
"If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me"
"Somebody to Love" by Queen
This song is pretty self explanatory. It's exactly how I feel, especially when I'm really lonely. The Glee cast version of it is also really good.
"I get down on my knees
And I start to pray
Till the tears run down from my eyes
Lord-somebody somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?"
"Nobody's Listening" by Linkin Park
I knew I wanted to include a Linkin Park song on this list and I had a hard time choosing just one. Linkin Park is amazing. Not only is their musicality good, but their lyrics are genius! Seriously, I can't think of many other artists/bands that consistently write such real and easy to relate to music. Even if you're not a fan of their type of music, just listen to the words. They talk about pain, insecurity, doubt, anger, fear etc. Things that we all experience. I like their recent singles but their older stuff is what I love the most. Songs like "Crawling" and "Somewhere I Belong" could easily also be on this list. But I chose this one because the lyrics below encompass perfectly what I have felt so many times. Anyways, I could go on and on about them so I'll stop now.
"I got
A heart full of pain
Head full of stress
Handful of anger held in my chest
Uphill struggle
Blood, sweat, and tears
Nothing to gain
Everything to fear"
Friday, August 26, 2011
Rejection
Dear Feeling Rejected,
Today I was mad at the world. Today I was annoyed and frustrated over things I couldn't change or control in my life. Today I let unforgiving, bitter thoughts towards others and God creep in, swirl around, and take root in my mind and heart. I don't know if any of that resonates with anyone but for me that's what it was like today. I have had issues with some of my closest friends and family lately and I feel hurt and rejected by some of them. I am angry and frustrated over things they have done and the fact that I feel like they just haven't been there for me when I needed them the most. I know that none of this has to do with men and I have decided not to include them here (I can write a whole other post about rejection from them). I feel that especially when you're single, the most important people in your life are your friends and family. They are the ones you count on and are supposed to be able to turn to. And when you feel rejected by them, it hurts like nothing else. You feel truly alone and like no one cares.
I feel like God has been using my circumstances and things that have happened in my life recently to show that He is the only one who won't reject me. Throughout the past two years, God has taken people and things out of my life. He has done it for many reasons, probably some I don't even know about, but one I do know. So that I will only seek fulfillment from Him. So that when I am hurting and feeling rejected, I will run only to Him, and no one else. I know the pain of being rejected by a loved one. I had a family member, someone who was like a sister to me, completely turn her back on me and reject me because I made a mistake. She was someone I trusted completely and never thought for one second would do that to me. But she did. And ever since then, I've realized there is no one I can count on. God is the only one who promises to never leave me or forsake me. And He is the only one who can keep that promise.
At my church, I have been going through the study called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It's amazing and I would recommend it to every woman, no matter what phase in life you are in or what you are going through. God has used it to reveal many things to me in my heart and life. I know it's no coincidence that the part in the study that I am in this week is about God's unfailing love. It's all about trusting and resting in His love and letting that fill us up because nothing and no one else can. Every single person desires unfailing love-love we can count on that will never stop no matter what happens. Praise the Lord we have that in Him. I'm so grateful that I still have God when I feel like everyone else in my life is not there for me or has rejected me. God loves us and He cares about everything that hurts us. He cries with us when we cry. He listens when we vent. He waits patiently for us while we go to everything and everyone else when we are hurting. He never resents us for it but instead awaits with open arms for us to come to Him. I am deeply grateful that His love never fails.
Please feel free to leave any comments or prayer requests. Or if you just want someone to talk to, email me csbucket@gmail.com. I would love to hear from and learn from anyone who might be reading this.
Isaiah 54:10 NIV "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you."
Today I was mad at the world. Today I was annoyed and frustrated over things I couldn't change or control in my life. Today I let unforgiving, bitter thoughts towards others and God creep in, swirl around, and take root in my mind and heart. I don't know if any of that resonates with anyone but for me that's what it was like today. I have had issues with some of my closest friends and family lately and I feel hurt and rejected by some of them. I am angry and frustrated over things they have done and the fact that I feel like they just haven't been there for me when I needed them the most. I know that none of this has to do with men and I have decided not to include them here (I can write a whole other post about rejection from them). I feel that especially when you're single, the most important people in your life are your friends and family. They are the ones you count on and are supposed to be able to turn to. And when you feel rejected by them, it hurts like nothing else. You feel truly alone and like no one cares.
I feel like God has been using my circumstances and things that have happened in my life recently to show that He is the only one who won't reject me. Throughout the past two years, God has taken people and things out of my life. He has done it for many reasons, probably some I don't even know about, but one I do know. So that I will only seek fulfillment from Him. So that when I am hurting and feeling rejected, I will run only to Him, and no one else. I know the pain of being rejected by a loved one. I had a family member, someone who was like a sister to me, completely turn her back on me and reject me because I made a mistake. She was someone I trusted completely and never thought for one second would do that to me. But she did. And ever since then, I've realized there is no one I can count on. God is the only one who promises to never leave me or forsake me. And He is the only one who can keep that promise.
At my church, I have been going through the study called "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. It's amazing and I would recommend it to every woman, no matter what phase in life you are in or what you are going through. God has used it to reveal many things to me in my heart and life. I know it's no coincidence that the part in the study that I am in this week is about God's unfailing love. It's all about trusting and resting in His love and letting that fill us up because nothing and no one else can. Every single person desires unfailing love-love we can count on that will never stop no matter what happens. Praise the Lord we have that in Him. I'm so grateful that I still have God when I feel like everyone else in my life is not there for me or has rejected me. God loves us and He cares about everything that hurts us. He cries with us when we cry. He listens when we vent. He waits patiently for us while we go to everything and everyone else when we are hurting. He never resents us for it but instead awaits with open arms for us to come to Him. I am deeply grateful that His love never fails.
Please feel free to leave any comments or prayer requests. Or if you just want someone to talk to, email me csbucket@gmail.com. I would love to hear from and learn from anyone who might be reading this.
Isaiah 54:10 NIV "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you."
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