I feel like I've been a Debbie Downer about being single in all of my blog posts. I want to write honestly about what I feel and what the Lord teaches me through my struggle. But, I also want to talk about things that I really enjoy and appreciate so much more because I am single.
My family dog, a German Shepherd, is very independent and somewhat strange. Sometimes he'll go outside when the whole family is inside and just lay out there for a half hour or so by himself. My mom calls it his "me time." If someone comes outside during it, he'll give them an annoyed look (yes, dogs can look annoyed) and then get up and leave. For whatever reason, he enjoys the time by himself and seeks it out. I can relate.
Ever since I can remember, I've enjoyed time alone. Maybe it's because for the first 7 years of my life, I was an only child. I entertained myself and played a lot at home. My younger sister was too young to play with when she was a baby. And when she was finally old enough to play with me, I considered myself too "old" to play anymore. As I've grown older, I've realized it also has a lot to do with my personality. I'm more of an introvert and most introverts often seek out alone time. It "recharges" us.
In the past 6 or 7 years, I've also realized how much I like to do a lot of things by myself. They're my simple pleasures in life. Whenever I'm feeling anxious or troubled, I love going to the beach alone (especially early in the morning when there's only surfers out). I put on my iPod and just walk. I don't know what it is about it but it calms me and I feel instantly peaceful. I also really like shopping by myself. I enjoy going shopping with friends but when I'm really in the mood to just shop, I often go alone. I like being able to take as long or as little time as I want without feeling like I'm making someone wait. I can comb carefully through the sale section at Forever 21 or just glance around another store. I also like hanging out at bookstores and coffee shops and just reading by myself. Or just watching a movie or TV. Of course, there are things I prefer doing with other people. And definitely times where I want someone special to do things with. But I still find those other things enjoyable.
I'm glad that because I'm single, I have more time to do these things. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that once I'm in a relationship I can't do these things. I would never date someone who didn't understand this about me or didn't want me to do things by myself. It's just that more of my free time will be spent with them. Even now, I have trouble balancing out my time sometimes to spend time with my close friends and family because work and church activities keep me busy. So that's why I know I won't have as much time. And I'm okay with that. But for now, I'm really enjoying all of my "me time." And If you interrupt it, I promise I won't be annoyed.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Being an Eeyore
Dear Mr./Miss Negativity,
Not many people like to be around someone that is constantly negative about everything. And yet, a lot of people, including Christians, are this way. I've heard this referred to in a couple of sermons as the "Eeyore Christian". Eeyore, as in the gloomy character from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore is always depressed about everything and always expects the worst things to happen. He (or she? I've heard some people say they think Eeyore is a girl because of the pink bow on her tail) can't even enjoy good things because he is constantly focused on the bad things. As Christians, we really shouldn't be this way. Yes, we have terrible, unfair, and difficult things happen to us. It's okay to be sad or mad about those things but we can't dwell on or live in that negativity. That is not the kind of life Jesus came to earth to give us. Even if there is nothing good in our lives we always have our salvation and that is a priceless gift.
I know how easy it is to be negative and pessimistic about things-about everything in fact. It's easier to think negatively about current circumstances, problems, and your life in general than to be positive about it. A year ago, it was very difficult for me to see anything positive about my life. My thoughts consisted of things like: "things will never change or get better" "everything sucks" "why does nothing good ever happen to me?" Of course, I was also depressed during this time which only amplified my negativity. I also let myself dwell on bitter, negative thoughts which took root and just continued to grow and consume me. None of which was healthy or helped my situation at all.
Then at the beginning of this year, I decided to make a change. I realized that a lot of the reason why I was so unhappy was because of my attitude and perspective on my life. So I made a list of things I wanted to work on about myself. I then prayed over my list and asked God to change me and give me the strength to work on them. One of the things on my list was to be more positive about everything. And guess what? God has definitely helped me become a much more positive person. I'm not saying it was an instant or easy thing. It did not happen overnight. I had to change my way of thinking which took consistent discipline and practice. I had to purposefully choose to be positive, it didn't happen automatically. In fact, it was very difficult at times and I'm still working on it. And there is no way I could have done any of that without the Lord.
********I want to add here that I know negativity can be caused by depression which is serious and may require you to get some professional help. I know I am not qualified to help with that. I just want to share what has helped me become more positive and see things from a different perspective. I also want to be clear that what I write below isn't just meant as a checklist to fix your problems. Or that this is all you need to do. God needs to work in you-that's the only way you'll really change.
There were several things I did and still do to help train my mind and thoughts to focus on being positive, rather than negative. I've included them as suggestions below.
1) Pray.
This is the most important thing. Ask the Lord to help change your heart, attitude, and thoughts. Ask Him to help guard your thoughts and to recognize the negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. Also, pray for others. Sometimes I like to list everyone I know or that I'm close to in my prayer journal and then write out specific prayers for each person. It helps take the focus off myself and reminds me that other people have things they're dealing with too. It also helps me be more grateful for what God has given me and brings me closer to Him.
2) Memorize Scripture.
The more you read and memorize the Bible-the more ingrained it gets in your mind. Memorize verses that encourage you and give you hope. Write them down on index cards and carry them around with you or put them up where you will see them every day.
3) Every day write down in a journal three things that you're grateful for. Then thank God for them.
Being intentional and consistently thinking of things you are grateful for helps you become so much more positive about your life.The things I wrote down were often a variety of big or small things like: my health or that I found a parking spot that day or that I had food in my stomach. Some days it would take me a longer time to think of things but I started to find myself noticing all the good in my life and all the blessings God constantly gives me. I now really enjoy and notice the little things that make me smile or feel joyful. Or the things I take for granted like having a bed to sleep in or a family that loves me. I've also done this specifically with being single. I wrote down one reason every day for a month about why I was grateful to be single. It also helps to go through and read what you've written again, especially when you feel like nothing in your life is good.
4) Serve/Volunteer
Taking the focus off yourself and focusing on others is a great way to become more positive. Taking the time to help others whether at church, through an organization, at work/school, or even just in your circle of family and friends, can be such a blessing. Seeing others and their needs and suffering will help put your own life into perspective. Even if it's something small and doesn't seem to make much of a difference, it matters. God has called us to love and serve others, and when we do so, we are fulfilling our purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Not many people like to be around someone that is constantly negative about everything. And yet, a lot of people, including Christians, are this way. I've heard this referred to in a couple of sermons as the "Eeyore Christian". Eeyore, as in the gloomy character from Winnie the Pooh. Eeyore is always depressed about everything and always expects the worst things to happen. He (or she? I've heard some people say they think Eeyore is a girl because of the pink bow on her tail) can't even enjoy good things because he is constantly focused on the bad things. As Christians, we really shouldn't be this way. Yes, we have terrible, unfair, and difficult things happen to us. It's okay to be sad or mad about those things but we can't dwell on or live in that negativity. That is not the kind of life Jesus came to earth to give us. Even if there is nothing good in our lives we always have our salvation and that is a priceless gift.
I know how easy it is to be negative and pessimistic about things-about everything in fact. It's easier to think negatively about current circumstances, problems, and your life in general than to be positive about it. A year ago, it was very difficult for me to see anything positive about my life. My thoughts consisted of things like: "things will never change or get better" "everything sucks" "why does nothing good ever happen to me?" Of course, I was also depressed during this time which only amplified my negativity. I also let myself dwell on bitter, negative thoughts which took root and just continued to grow and consume me. None of which was healthy or helped my situation at all.
Then at the beginning of this year, I decided to make a change. I realized that a lot of the reason why I was so unhappy was because of my attitude and perspective on my life. So I made a list of things I wanted to work on about myself. I then prayed over my list and asked God to change me and give me the strength to work on them. One of the things on my list was to be more positive about everything. And guess what? God has definitely helped me become a much more positive person. I'm not saying it was an instant or easy thing. It did not happen overnight. I had to change my way of thinking which took consistent discipline and practice. I had to purposefully choose to be positive, it didn't happen automatically. In fact, it was very difficult at times and I'm still working on it. And there is no way I could have done any of that without the Lord.
********I want to add here that I know negativity can be caused by depression which is serious and may require you to get some professional help. I know I am not qualified to help with that. I just want to share what has helped me become more positive and see things from a different perspective. I also want to be clear that what I write below isn't just meant as a checklist to fix your problems. Or that this is all you need to do. God needs to work in you-that's the only way you'll really change.
There were several things I did and still do to help train my mind and thoughts to focus on being positive, rather than negative. I've included them as suggestions below.
1) Pray.
This is the most important thing. Ask the Lord to help change your heart, attitude, and thoughts. Ask Him to help guard your thoughts and to recognize the negative thoughts as soon as they enter your mind. Also, pray for others. Sometimes I like to list everyone I know or that I'm close to in my prayer journal and then write out specific prayers for each person. It helps take the focus off myself and reminds me that other people have things they're dealing with too. It also helps me be more grateful for what God has given me and brings me closer to Him.
2) Memorize Scripture.
The more you read and memorize the Bible-the more ingrained it gets in your mind. Memorize verses that encourage you and give you hope. Write them down on index cards and carry them around with you or put them up where you will see them every day.
3) Every day write down in a journal three things that you're grateful for. Then thank God for them.
Being intentional and consistently thinking of things you are grateful for helps you become so much more positive about your life.The things I wrote down were often a variety of big or small things like: my health or that I found a parking spot that day or that I had food in my stomach. Some days it would take me a longer time to think of things but I started to find myself noticing all the good in my life and all the blessings God constantly gives me. I now really enjoy and notice the little things that make me smile or feel joyful. Or the things I take for granted like having a bed to sleep in or a family that loves me. I've also done this specifically with being single. I wrote down one reason every day for a month about why I was grateful to be single. It also helps to go through and read what you've written again, especially when you feel like nothing in your life is good.
4) Serve/Volunteer
Taking the focus off yourself and focusing on others is a great way to become more positive. Taking the time to help others whether at church, through an organization, at work/school, or even just in your circle of family and friends, can be such a blessing. Seeing others and their needs and suffering will help put your own life into perspective. Even if it's something small and doesn't seem to make much of a difference, it matters. God has called us to love and serve others, and when we do so, we are fulfilling our purpose.
Romans 8:28 NIV "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
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