Let Us Sing for Joy to the Lord

I love music. I love hearing songs that perfectly encompass my emotions and feelings. So I guess it's not really a surprise that I feel such a strong connection to worship music. I feel God's presence and love in an overwhelming way so often when I'm worshiping and singing. I've heard before that God uses different things and ways to deeply connect with each one of us. Worship is definitely something that he uses for me.  I sometimes feel like there just isn't enough time to worship and sing during church services. And I'm grateful that churches don't extend it all the time because then I think services would be just too long. But sometimes I just want a couple of hours dedicated to only worship and last night I was able to experience that at my old church. And it was glorious.

First of all, I should explain that I'm completely biased about this church in particular because I loved it when I was attending and it was the first church I ever went to that felt like home. One of the things I loved the most about it was the worship music and band. They have incredibly talented musicians leading worship, and the song arrangements are brilliant.  I've even heard other people who don't normally attend there and have perfectly good worship music at their own church, say that their worship is seriously the best they've ever experienced. I completely agree and wholeheartedly believe God gave the church this amazing gift of worship.

So with all that being said, last night I had one of the best worship experiences I have had in a long time. I think it was partly a combination of nostalgia and love for this church, but mostly it had to do with God. I felt God more throughout those two hours than I have for a really long time. I just knew that He was there showering me and everyone in the room with His love, grace, and comfort. There's something so incredible about worshiping with other believers. It makes you feel unified, like you can do anything. Or in better terms, that GOD can do anything. It reminds you that are not alone. There are other believers out there fighting the good fight. It also makes you not only feel loved, but also loving towards others. I swear I could've run around and hugged every person there even though I didn't really know anyone. But I just had such an overwhelming urge to share the joy and love that God poured out over me. It was a great feeling. It rejuvenated and refreshed my dry and parched soul. I don't want to be an apathetic Christian. I feel like I have been. I've also been disheartened lately about people and things in the world. Thank God for nights like last night to remind me of why I'm here and alive and more importantly, how amazing He is.

Psalm 95:1-2 NIV "Come, let us sing for joy to the Lord; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song."

I Feel Pretty, Oh So Pretty

I was at the library today and I overheard a teenage girl walk by another girl she didn't know and say, "You are so pretty." It was a completely sincere compliment. But the second I heard her say that I felt a twinge and immediately thought, "Why didn't she say that to me?" I've been thinking about why this bothered me and why that was my immediate reaction.  I know it doesn't really matter what some random girl thinks of me and/or my beauty. But for some reason, I still wanted that admiration/compliment. I think this is a common thing for girls/women. We all want to be seen as beautiful. We all also have our own insecurities and struggles. I've grown over the years and most of the time I accept myself and the way I look. I try not to dwell on my insecurities or perceived flaws. But this wasn't always the case. In junior high and high school, I don't recall ever thinking I looked pretty or attractive. Whenever anyone complimented my appearance, I usually immediately dismissed it as them just being nice. Sometimes that young, teenage girl in me comes back out and I start to doubt myself and the way I look. I think this is the case for many women. Those deep insecurities we developed in childhood and adolescence come out either randomly or when we're feeling particularly vulnerable. God knows this about us-He created us after all. He knows sometimes we need to be told we're beautiful and special. He knows when we want other people-both men and women-to think we're beautiful. The thing is He is the only one who can give us the complete confidence and security we crave. It's God-confidence, not self-confidence. He wants us to see ourselves through His eyes. And what He sees is someone absolutely stunning and breathtaking. No matter what flaws we see in the mirror. God wants you to know, "You are so pretty."

Here's a couple of good books I've read that address more of what I've talked about:
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
A Confident Heart by Renee Swope

Psalm 139:14 NIV "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful, I know that full well."

Disappointment

Dear Dealing With Disappointment,

I've realized that most of the time when I write these posts, it's because I'm dealing with the same topic. And right now I'm dealing with disappointment. Today I was very disappointed by something that happened. I had my heart and hopes set on something that seemed so perfect and lined up with exactly what I have been praying for. But it fell through and I didn't get it. The whole time I was praying for this thing I wanted, I kept praying for God to close the door on it if it wasn't what He wanted. Apparently, it isn't what He wanted for me because the door is closed. And I'm upset and a little bitter about it. I wish I wasn't. I tried to prepare myself for things falling through and tried to let it go and have peace about it. But I didn't get what I really wanted and now I feel like a child throwing a tantrum because I didn't get what I want.

I think this disappointment is especially difficult for me to deal with right now because there are other areas in my life I have recently been disappointed about. Sometimes I feel like God dangles something in front of me, making me want it and chase after it, only to rip it away soon after. I've talked to other Christians who have felt the same way. It's easy for us to begin to think of God as this detached, cruel dictator who does things or keeps us away from things just because He can or feels like it. It's difficult to remember the truth. The truth that God loves us and He wants to bless us with good things and the desires of our heart. But He knows and understands things we don't. He has plans for us and He knows our future. And this affects the things He allows or brings into our lives.

The thing I try to think of when I'm feeling like this and don't understand why God has done something is how children are taken care of by their parents. Adults and parents understand and know things that kids don't. When they discipline their children or don't allow their kids to do something, it's because it's the best for them. They are protecting and teaching them through this. They are showing their love. This is what God does. It doesn't always feel like it's out of love, but it is. Maybe God has something better for us when we are disappointed. Or maybe it just isn't the right timing. We may never know. But tomorrow is a new day and we always have hope.

Romans 5:5 NIV "And hope does not disappoint us because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."