Somewhere I Belong

 Dear Feeling Out of Place,

I feel like I'm at a very awkward age/life stage right now. This is particularly true at church. I'm 29 years old-almost in my 30's. Scary! But since I'm unmarried with no children, I feel like there's not really a home base/community for people around my age and in the same life stage at church. We have a young adult group for 18-25 year olds. We have groups for couples, for stay at home moms, single moms, but none really for anyone 25+ up who are just focusing on other things right now. And I know this is difficult because most people that go to my church are either college kids or families. So why would they create something for the one (maybe more) people who aren't part of any of those groups. I understand all of this and yet I still feel like an outsider sometimes because I don't "belong" in any group.

This has made me think about how much of our identity is tied to what "group" we belong to or see ourselves in. We're either a "college student" "teenager" "wife" "single mom" "divorced parent" etc. The stage we're at in life right now shouldn't define us. Mostly because it will most likely change eventually, but also because it is not who we are. Yes, it's a part of our life and it influences our decisions, perspective, and behavior. But it ultimately doesn't sum us all up in a neat tidy bow. We are so much more than any of these groups or labels we put ourselves in. I'm not saying it's a bad thing to put ourselves there, it's just that can't be ALL we focus on. When we only choose to focus or define ourselves as this one thing , and then that changes or we lose it somehow, then we feel completely lost. But the truth is we do have somewhere we always belong. That is with God. Our identity is found in God. We are His child. He is ours and we are His.

Psalm 100:3 NIV "Know that the Lord is God. It is he who made us, and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture." 

God is Good

My life group from church has been sharing their life stories with each other for the past couple of weeks. We've each told everyone about our personal walk with Christ and have shared our hearts, pain, and struggles with each other. I love hearing about where other people come from. I love to hear about all the things and people in their lives that have shaped them and made them into the people they are today. It is such a wonderful thing to see God's fingerprints all through someone's life journey-especially in the heartache and pain. I got choked up tonight listening to some of the heartbreaking and really difficult things people have been through and are still going through. But then seeing and hearing from them how God was there, how he has brought beauty from ashes, just made my heart burst with joy and love. It's such an amazing thing to hear. It's encouraging for me in my own struggles to see how much God has used those things in other people's lives.  Let us all remember in the midst of pain and trials that God is so good!

Vulnerability

I recently had a very good and interesting discussion with my small group from church about vulnerability. We watched this TED talk: Vulnerability  It was just so insightful and resonated with me in so many ways. Why IS it so hard to be vulnerable? Part of me knows that there are plenty of reasons why: fear of rejection, we don't want to be hurt, we don't want to be thought of as crazy, weird, needy, [insert whatever other adjective] here. Many of us still really care what other people think of us. I think a big thing too is the way our culture and society equate vulnerability with weakness. I've wrestled with this in regards to myself. When I see other people really be vulnerable and open and honest, I have a deep respect and admiration for them. I applaud them for their bravery and try to be as supportive as I can. But oftentimes, when I force myself to be really vulnerable, I cringe about it later. I berate myself and say, "Why did you act like that? Or why did you tell that person that?" This is hardest with people I really care about. When I open up and tell them things that are hard to say and often hard to hear, I play back the conversation in my head afterwards. I criticize myself for "revealing" too much or seeming "too weak". I know this is silly and ridiculous.

If we can't be our truest selves with those we really love, then what's the point? But it's hard because sometimes those we really care about don't respond well to our vulnerability. Our feelings get diminished or mocked. Sometimes they respond with anger and hostility. Or worse yet, total and complete indifference. And we end up sitting there wondering why in the world we even opened up our mouths in the first place. It's also hard to find people we can really be vulnerable with.  Unfortunately, not everyone that comes into our lives is the right person to be vulnerable with or trustworthy. Sometimes those we thought we could be vulnerable with become people we need to start guarding our heart around. It's a hard and confusing balance to figure out. It's something I've been particularly struggling with lately.

After discussing all this and more in my group, I have to say it was so encouraging to hear how other people struggle with being vulnerable too. It's a struggle because we know we should do it. We know that's how God wants us to live, not only for Him, but for ourselves. When we let our guards down around each other, that's when we really see each other. That's when we can truly encourage, support, and be there for one another. It's hard. It's awkward. It's painful and uncomfortable. But God never promised us it would be easy. He will help us though. I've seen it my own life and in others around me. We CAN change and grow.  And that is a wonderful thing.